I saw a post on X from one of the better writers I've come across and it brought up a conversation I had with an older, very successful friend of mine about women. (Post is here)

We were having dinner last week and had gotten onto the subject of women we'd been seeing recently. This guy has built multiple companies, made serious money, and generally has his life dialed in. But he mentioned something that caught me as a surprise coming from him.

He'd been spending time with this woman he'd been seeing and noticed he felt less sharp afterward. Emotionally drained. Like his mental clarity had been compromised somehow. The strange part was that he was attracted to her and enjoyed her company, but something was off. He felt like his edge was getting dulled.

He couldn't figure out why someone he found attractive and interesting was having this effect on him. The sex was good, the conversation was decent, but he kept walking away from their time together feeling foggy.

I told him something that seemed to click immediately. Not all women affect you the same way. Some enhance your mental state, others diminish it. Most men never pay attention to this because they're too focused on whether they're attracted to someone to notice how that person actually impacts their functioning.

Women operate on different frequency levels. Once you understand this, everything about how you navigate relationships changes fundamentally.

There are women who sharpen your thinking just by being around them. They ask intelligent questions about your goals. They understand ambition. They make observations that help you see situations more clearly. When you walk away from time with these women, you feel more motivated to attack your objectives. These women are rare, maybe one in twenty.

Then there are energy vampires. They create subtle chaos wherever they go. Not necessarily dramatic, obvious chaos, but a low-level static that interferes with your mental clarity. Every interaction somehow becomes about managing their emotional state. They're always processing something, always need validation, always have some internal turbulence that becomes your problem to navigate.

The majority fall somewhere in between. Pleasant enough but ultimately neutral in their impact on your mental state. They don't add meaningful value to your trajectory but they don't actively subtract from it either.

I explained to him that he was experiencing what happens when you don't categorize women properly. He was treating someone who diminished his mental clarity the same way he'd treat someone who enhanced it. He was giving the same level of emotional investment to someone who was subtly draining his energy.

The solution is strategic categorization. You have to be ruthlessly honest about how different women affect your state and adjust your level of investment accordingly.

Some women are excellent for short-term companionship. They're attractive, fun to be around, maybe great in bed. But you wouldn't build anything serious with them because they lack the emotional stability or wisdom required for something substantial. These women get enjoyed for what they offer without expecting more than they can deliver.

Other women possess the intellectual depth and emotional maturity that makes them potential long-term partners. They demonstrate calmness under pressure. They make decisions based on logic rather than pure emotion. They understand that their role is to enhance your life, not complicate it.

The key insight I shared with him was about emotional detachment. Not coldness or cruelty, but strategic distance that allows you to evaluate people clearly. When you're emotionally invested too quickly, you start making excuses for behavior that doesn't serve you. You rationalize away the subtle ways someone might be diminishing your mental clarity.

Detachment gives you objectivity. You see how people actually affect you rather than how you hope they'll affect you. You make decisions based on evidence rather than wishful thinking.

I told him to start paying attention to his mental state before and after spending time with different women. Track the patterns. Notice which interactions leave you feeling sharper and which leave you feeling depleted. Then adjust your investment levels accordingly.

Women can sense when you're operating from this framework. They recognize that access to your emotional world isn't guaranteed just because they're attractive or pleasant. They understand that you have standards for how people are allowed to affect your mental state.

Quality women respect this selectivity. They work to be the kind of person who enhances rather than diminishes. They bring value to interactions because they know you won't tolerate anything less.

The women who drain your energy often do so unconsciously. They're not necessarily malicious, but they're emotionally needy in ways that create subtle turbulence in your mental environment. They need constant validation, constant processing, constant management of their internal state.

I explained that most men tolerate this because they confuse physical attraction with compatibility. They think that wanting to sleep with someone means they should accept whatever impact that person has on their mental clarity.

Smart men operate differently. They understand that sexual attraction and mental compatibility are separate considerations. You can be attracted to someone while recognizing that spending significant time with them diminishes your effectiveness.

The goal isn't to find perfect women. The goal is to be honest about how different women affect you and invest your emotional energy accordingly. Give your best mental bandwidth to women who earn it through their positive impact on your state.

Everyone else gets treated with respect but not given access to your deeper emotional layers. They can enjoy your company without being granted the privilege of affecting your peace of mind.

My friend understood immediately. He realized he'd been giving girlfriend-level emotional investment to someone who had the impact profile of a casual companion. The mismatch was creating the mental fog he'd been experiencing.

When you start operating from this framework, your relationship dynamics shift completely. You become selective about who gets access to your mental and emotional space. You prioritize your own clarity and effectiveness over social expectations about how you should interact with attractive women.

The right woman will enhance your thinking rather than cloud it. She'll add to your mental clarity rather than subtract from it. She'll understand that her role is to make you more effective, not less.

That's when you know you're dealing with someone worth serious investment.